The
Murder Village Births, Deaths and Marriages Office

Like any town, Murder Village’s suspects—bah, we mean inhabitants—come and go. The current population roll is bustling, but who knows, any day now those murderers could come crawling back out of the woodwork.

Official and unofficial Personnel

Miss Jemima Marmalade, an elderly sleuth

Monsieur Aragon Pewter, a renowned French detective

Ms Artemis Martin, a shrewd whodunnit novelist

Father Leicester Guppy, a perceptive priest

Detective Inspector Owen Gullet, an unimaginative police officer

IN TUNE WITH THE LAW (MUSICALLY SPEAKING)

Terrence Mudwater Junior, a ne’er-do-well youth

Oliver Green, a meticulous barber and doggie show judge

Jane Darling, a prim choir mistress

Ben Bones, a vigilant cemetery night watchman

Professor Alistair Fernsby, a retired classical music academic

Whiskey McGregor, a magician-turned-police informant

Father Richard Dixon, a non-practising parish pianist

Hector McLeod, a musical headmaster

Timothy Buckingsweep, an enterprising orphan

Joan Sloan, a god-fearing church organist

Alive, Well and highly suspicious

Edith Parnelle, a fading stage and screen star

Phyllis Good, a clumsy midwife

General Lord Alfred Plumley, a sundowning army general

Dr Absolom Fische, an old-fashioned country doctor

Adele Oxley, a boisterous mayor

Lady Vera Bathchair, a cruel dowager

Marcello Olleobello, a delicate scholar

Jericho Spade, an adventuring archaeologist

Avery Crumpet, a flirtatious secretary

Elizabeth Farrington-Windsor-Smythe, a supercilious society lady

Lottie Winthrop, a precocious 12-year-old

John Quince, a grubby undertaker

Biddy Drinkum, a jolly wife of a publican

Glenda Trotsworth, a forthright veterinarian

“Peter Smith”, a definitely-not-Russian farmhand

Eames Chair, a respectable butler

Callan Ceum, a caddish milkman

Gertrude Raleigh, a superstitious amateur dramatics director

Arthur Squib, a happy-go-lucky gamekeeper

Freddy Brewster, an Earl of Wooster

Colonel Jude Condiment, an imperious retired officer

Francis Gauge, a devoted train station attendant

Agatha Pantha, an ageing former child actress

Herbert Spicer, an excitable greengrocer

Milton Brine, a kindly headmaster

Bertie Pikelet, a silver-spooned banker

Reginald Proscenium, a grandiose thespian

Ernest Applethwaite, a benevolent landowner

Bartimus Martin, a long-lost sister of a famous mystery novelist

Valentine Rooney, a frustrated horror novelist

Piccolo Porcini, a famed Italian opera singer

Katie Faulkner, a plucky air stewardess

Charles Wigglesworth, a mournful haute couture tailor

Cami Peppers, a witchy tea shoppe owner

Karen Boggs, a chain-smoking church organist

Prim Pauper, a widowed factory worker

Herman Tinkler, an eccentric toymaker

Morgan Flatch, a grave gravedigger

Florian Nick-Nack, a fastidious art dealer

Deidre Doyle, an upfront mortician

Wally Wombok, a shifty traveling salesman

Herbert La Pelouse, an onery sod farmer

Doreen Taylor, a lovelorn haberdasher

Briony Berryweather, an industrious fishmonger

Laszlo Farhart, a tenacious ghost hunter

Captain Seth-Henry Archibald Jr, a retired air force pilot

Marcel Stone, a pontificating philosopher

Lady Farley Lap, an affluent champion equestrian

Edward Ballet, a loyal valet

Baron Maximilian von Brackenslacker, an exiled Lichtenstein nobile

Sally Forth, a dewy-eyed jam & conserve bottler

Howard End, a silver-tongued councilor

Clarice Trinket, a curiosity shoppe proprietor

Penny Whistle, a no-nonsense girl guide instructor

Willy Kerridge, a plucky paperboy

Marygold Peach, a singing schoolmarm

Sister Mary Hale, a scatterbrained nun

Carl Markson, a dedicated unionist

Rowena Duckworth, a fawning retiree

Bob Olyphant, a cheerful butcher

Marjory Simms, a bird-like bird watcher

Lily Sodden, a washed-up painter

Warren Pace, an apricot and sheep farmer

Dr. St John Younghusband, a genteel medical professional

Frau Klinkt, a stoic violinist

Richard Baker, a reliable gardener

Peggy Mason, a perpetually pregnant laundress

Marion Kind, a boisterous wartime entertainer

Zenith Cain, a houseproud housekeeper

Jake Barnes, a gruff war correspondent

Hester Grim, a morose sweets shoppe proprietor

Old Joe Reeks, a down-and-out beggar

Beryl Shears, a high-spirited hairdresser

Mildred Pig, a simple chickpea farmer

Graham Swift, a near-blind postmaster

Hettie Bobbins, a diabolical assistant seamstress

Beauford Vines, an affable dairy farmer

Clarinda Pleasant, a strict finishing school instructor

Brimley Wyndam, a nervous art restorer

Schatzi Sassoon, an ostentatious theatre director

Fozzie Jolimont, a chaotic acupuncturist

Reverend Lucius Sinn, an immoral rector

Isabella White, an opportunistic social climber

Wilberforce Giddey, a daydreaming butterfly collector

Professor Ian Zago, a bombastic academic

Dulcie Button, a reverent garden centre manager

Edith Flyton, a reclusive children’s author

Molly Mackerel, a busy-body gardener

Hugo Morekind, a tender-hearted playwright

Donna Dinks, an easily amused bar maid

Thom Tiller, a salt-of-the-earth groundskeeper

Felicity Readwell, a determined librarian

Caoimhín McDougall, an earnest head parishioner

Sir Lord Percival Fodmap, a simpering wealthy cad

Sister Mary McClarey, a god-fearing nun

Maude (surname unknown), a cynical chauffer

Gretel Smith, an embattled orphan

Lesley McBridle, an earthy stablehand

Desdemonda Delamere, a down-on-her-luck clown

Charles “Chip” Ribbonsnip, a bumbling postal carrier

Sweeney Windstone, a courageous butcher

Nora Bunch, a cunning florist

Rosa La Pointe, a hapless dance teacher

Blossom Manning, a keen naturalist and war profiteer

Winslow Manning, another keen naturalist, war profiteer and Blossom's husband